#I CANT REMEMBER SHIT FROM PAST WHENIW AS . LIKE. 13-14 OR SO | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nightfallsystem · 1 day ago

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i hate my stupid life everytime i look up did / osdd symptoms i have a LOT of them but if i get diagnosed what if my mother abuses me for it. she doesnt like when im mentally unwell. like really. really doesnt like. like threatens me when im unwell. what then. then ill like. die. THEN ITLL GET WORSE .

#im not saying “i googled did once and now i think i have it!” btw. i dont know if i have it #but my memory is FUCKED and i have alters and i keep feeling dissociated. i can barely feel my body evertyhing feels so numb #and this owrld barely feels real.#BUT ITS HARD TO TELL IF MY SYMTPOMS R BAD ENOUGH??#we mask SO much its not even funny i am constantly trying to control them lest we get UFCKING MURDERED BY MY 'MOTHER'#i think itd be ''severe'' if i didnt mask so much.#NOT OT MENTION I DONT KNOW IF MY TRAUMA IS BAD ENOUGH TO HAVE IT????#because i fucking forgot msost of it. but also cuz im not too affected by it anymore because its nto MY trauma. *i* didnt expereince it #and i feel like i experienced most of my trauma too late to have it???#i hate. my brain. just fuckig remmeber. idiot #this is stupid. im sure its nothing but idk anymore.#I CANT REMEMBER SHIT FROM PAST WHENIW AS . LIKE. 13-14 OR SO #SURELY SOMETHING HAPPENEDRIGHT??? why cant i remember #this is stupid i probably dont have it and just want attention. but i cant tell until i seek professional help for it #but the mental health specialists are out to get me. theyll hurt me i think.i cant trust anyone anymore #theres probablya reason its stopping me from remembering. i shouldnt look too far into it ...#ANWYAY I NEEDED TO GET THIS OUT SOMEHWERE....#sorry for the long text #tw abuse

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